Confusion
by M. E. Fortuonata
Summary: Michael makes a mistake concerning an office relationship.
1. Chapter 1

Confusion

Michael walks into Dunder Mifflin with briefcase in hand. He has a serious look on his face; one of grim reality.

"Pam, I want you in my office right now." Pam looks at Michael and then at the camera. We zoom out and see Jim on his computer, pleasantly naïve to Michaels presence.

Pam gets up, presses her skirt against her leg and follows Michael into his office.

Michael sits down. "I understand that you have been carrying on a relationship with one of the Dunder Mifflin employees. And it's not anyone in the warehouse. What do you have to say for yourself?"

She thinks that Michael is referring to her secret relationship with Jim.

"What's there to say? I mean, I like him, he likes me; so we go out for dinner occasionally. That's not a problem, right? We asked Toby if we needed to sign an official 'we're dating' form, but he told us that our relationship wasn't official enough."

"Not official enough. Well, it's enough of a shock to the entire office that I'm afraid it might affect the work that goes on here. We can't have any disruption of our work! This is a working office!" Michael stands up victoriously and glances at the camera a few times. "Date him if you want! I don't know why you like him!"

"Okay –" Pam looks confused.

"Thank you. You may go." He smiles.

* * *

Pam walks out of his office. We cut to Pam sitting alone in the conference room.

"I honestly didn't think that Michael would have wanted to talk to me about dating Jim. We all have relationships from time to time and I would have thought that my dating Jim would be the least shocking of all of the office possibilities." He smiles.

* * *

We cut to Michael sitting at his desk, office curtains closed. His speaker phone is on and he is talking to Jan.

"Well did you ask her?" Jan's voice is irritated.

"Yes, I asked her." Michael takes a sip out of his Worlds Best Boss mug. "She didn't deny it like I thought she would. Actually, she told me that she's deeply in love with him and that she dreams about him every night. So that's interesting."

"Please. I don't need to know this." Jan sighs, clearly not comfortable talking to Michael about relationships. "Michael, can I be frank?"

Michael looks at the camera with a childish smile. "Why Jan, of course. I'm always here for you to be frank to."

"Michael, you are the one that wanted me to require the paperwork about Dwight and Pam. I'm not in Scranton to watch your every move, so I need to trust you when you tell me that this is urgent. Please take this as seriously as I am."

"Oh, I'm taking this very seriously." He looks at the phone as if it was Jan herself.

"Good. Just let me know if you make any more progress."

"You know I will. Any chance to call my Jan." He laughed at his own joke.

"I'm not your Jan. Goodbye, Michael." She hung up.

* * *

We see Michael sitting in the conference room. "It's like this, I love Jan. And I think that Jan loves me, she just doesn't know it. The funny thing is that I'm a nice guy; and I know a lot about women, so eventually she's notice me."

* * *

We see the office busy at work. Angela and Phyllis are decorating for a party in the break room. Kevin is on the phone, Stanley is typing. Dwight is daydreaming at the clock on the wall, which is right above Pam's desk.

Michael peeks through his office blinds. "I knew it!" he whispers to himself, a mischievous grin on his face.

We see Angela and Phyllis, standing on chairs in the break room with their hands in the air, trying to attach streamers to the ceiling. Angela looks at the camera then quickly darts her eyes.

Dwight gets up from his desk and glances around the room, stopping his eyes at the break room. He swiftly makes a 180 degree turn and walks to Pam's desk. Leaning in close to her he whispers.

"Pam, I need to talk to you again."

Pam looks up and her eyes soften as soon as she realizes its Dwight. "Yes?"

"I'm afraid your advice has only made things worse. I need to move on to plan B."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry it didn't work for you. What is plan B?"

"I was hoping you could tell me that. You're the girl, after all." He eyes the camera with a sexist evil in his eyes.

"Okay, let's go for a walk, I hate whispering." She smiled sweetly and got her coat. They both snuck out of the building, but not without a flutter of the blinds in Michael's office.

We're outside and it's cold enough to see Pam's breath. Dwight has his bright orange hat on.

"So, Dwight, tell me what happened with Angela."

"I told her that it was time to step up the relationship. We need to make it public."

"And how did she handle that?"

"She said that she didn't want to talk to me while I had an animal on my head."

"You had an animal on your head? Was it like a Daniel Boon hat?"

"No, it was _not_ a Daniel Boon hat! Its wild board, native in only three US states. I killed it myself while out hunting on the Shrute family farm. I skinned it, too. The meat is smoking right now, though it won't be ready to eat for another month."

Pam put up her hands. "Okay, plan B."

"Yes, plan B! Do you think a dirt bike ride would work?"

"No, why don't you offer to make her an entire meal vegetarian?"

"A meatless meal? I don't think I can do that."

"It would really impress her! You should try it."

Dwight put his hand on his head. "Why is she so hard to get through to?"

"You could write her a poem. I'm sure Angela would go for that." Pam hid a smirk.

Pam's in the conference room again.

* * *

"Why am I helping Dwight? Because I know that there is no way that his 'relationship' with Angela will last. So it's a good way to try out new ideas without doing any real damage."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

The workday is over and everyone starts to leave.

"Bye! Have a great day, kids! Study your notes tonight because you never when I'll give a pop quiz." Michael waved and once again laughed at his own joke. Looking at the camera he says, "They love me like a teacher."

Pam is unlocking her car door when Jim sneaks up behind her. He pinches her side.

"Oh!" She spins around. "Jim! I should have known; you're the only one who would do that."

He laughed. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Hanging out with you, if that's okay."

"Fine with me." He smiled.

"Hey," she pauses, "did Michael talk to you at all today? I mean, about us?"

"Nooo, why? Does he know that we're dating?"

"I think so. At first he seemed upset that we hadn't told him because apparently it's really 'shocking' for everyone, but after a few minutes he seemed to not care as much. He said I can do what I want." She shrugged.

"Well then don't worry about it. We're fine."

The next day Angela was waiting in front of Pam's desk.

"Good morning, Angela. Can I help you?" Pam took off her coat.

"Yes, at least, I hope you can. Do you have any idea what 'you smell like autumn' means?"

"No," Pam shook her head, "why do you ask?"

"Nothing." Angela looks at the camera and then walks away, arms at her side. We zoom in on what she's holding: pink paper with a monkey holding a heart, inside the heart it says 'D A.'

Pam smirks.

Dwight sits diligently at his desk, organizing a stack of papers. Michael comes up to him.

"Dwight," he talks loud enough that everyone can hear him, "I think you should know that I am aware of your relationship with your fellow office workerette."

Dwight and Angela stare at each other. Pam and Jim look at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Don't worry, I won't tell everyone who you're in love with, even though we all know. We don't blame you, she is pretty hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot." He smiles at the camera. "But I thought that maybe you would want to announce it yourself."

Dwight looks very uneasy. He stands up and straightens his tie. "I, Dwight K. Shrute, do not have a girlfriend." He sits back down and acts like he's busy at work.

Michael is clearly not happy with this. "No, you have a girlfriend, and I know her name. Do you want me to say it?"

"No, don't! I wouldn't want the innocent female slandered like that. You have no right to say things about anyone!"

* * *

Jim says, "I know what it's like to have a secret office relationship, but if Michael came up to me like that, I would tell the truth. Michael doesn't know when to stop, so it's better to satisfy him sooner rather than later. He will find out." Jim turns to look out the conference room window and watches the chaos.

* * *

"What color is her hair?" Kelly acts overly excited about the drama.

Michael is standing on Dwight's desk. "Okay, we're getting closer. She has curly hair. Any guesses?"

"Is it me?" Phyllis perks up.

"No, Phyllis, it is not you." Michael sighs. Phyllis stares at her keyboard.

Dwight suddenly snaps back, "My girlfriend doesn't have curly hair, she has straight hair!"

Michael steps down from the desk. "You mean she doesn't have curly hair?"

"Right!"

"Is her hair kind of brown with soft red highlights?"

"No." Dwight smiles and quickly glances at Angela.

"Then, well, I guess I was wrong. But that doesn't make any sense. Is your girlfriend Pam Beesley?"

"My girlfriend is no Pamela Beesley. Pam is a great woman, and she gives good advice, but I am not in a secret dating relationship with her."

"Well, you heard it here first! Pam is available!" Michael claps his hands in completion.

"Lucky me." Stanley murmurs under his breath.

Michael walks into his office, where we document him.

* * *

"I made an error today. It's not the first time I've made a mistake, but it will be the last. For a while, at least."

* * *

Pam: "That was pretty much the strangest idea in the world. Me and Dwight?" she laughs.

* * *

Jim: "I wish Michael didn't say that Pam is 'now available.'" He sighs. "Well, then again, it's not like I feel threatened by Kevin or Toby." He smirks.

* * *

Angela is in the break room, alone, where she's tying string to balloons.

Dwight walks in and stares at the vending machine, his back is to Angela.

"What was that all about?" Angela whispers.

"I don't know. Michael never ceases to be stupid."

"Why did he think you were dating Pam? Have you been spending time with her without my permission?"

"No!" He yelled a whisper. "I mean, yes. But not like you think. I needed to talk to her, but it wasn't a date."

"Then what was it? Michael wouldn't accuse you of dating her unless he saw something fishy."

"Monkey," he turned to look at her only for Angela to turn her back to him again. "I didn't do anything with her. I only asked her for relationship advice."

"Advice for getting along with me?"

"Yes. The poetry was her idea."

"That is so impersonal!" She turned around to look him in the eyes. Angela reaches down her blouse and pulls out the pink card that Dwight had given her and begins to tear it to shreds. Crying, she scolds, "Dwight, how could you?"

She leaves.

We see Dwight alone in the break room He watches Angela leave, then bends down and picks up all the pieces of paper.

Jim calls Pam's phone.

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

"That was one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time." He whispered a laugh.

"I know! How anyone could date Dwight is beyond me."

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way. I wouldn't want any competition from him."

"I think that's the least of your worries."

Jim turns around to face Pam. "Let's get out of here." Pam nods.

They leave.

On the way out of the building they bump into Jan.

"Oh, hey, Jan! What's up?" Pam's friendly.

"Michael needs to talk to me. Supposedly it's important. Do you have any idea what it's about?"

Jim replies, "No, it could be anything. Maybe he ran out of coffee filters."

"Thanks." Jan tries to smile but it looks pained.

Jan is sitting in Michael's office, and they both looked worried.

"Jan, I have bad news."

"What is it, Michael. You aren't out of coffee filters, are you?"

"What? No? Pam isn't dating Dwight!"

"Okay, so I was right all along."

"Yes," Michael hangs his head. "I owe you dinner. Where would you like to go?"

Jan looks smug. "Somewhere expensive."

"Okay, let's go." They both get up and start to leave. Michael bumps into Jan and kisses her neck. She jerks away.

"Michael, if you kiss me again you can wait in the bathroom while I enjoy a fancy dinner."

"Sorry." He chuckled.

THE END


End file.
